Remaining celibate takes more than a commitment. If you have read tip 1 and tip 2, you’ll see that a commitment is needed but there are also some things that you have to face to maintain your celibacy. Today I wanted to go beyond those two things because, as I said in one of the articles in this series, there are levels to this celibacy thing.
Today, I want to share tip 3 with you. Today’s tip comes in steps because there are some things you have to keep from when you’re trying to live a life of celibacy in order to safe-proof your celibacy. It’s no easy task but it’s a lot easier than most people believe it to be because they just don’t know the “how-to” of it.
Let’s take a look at the 5 steps that help me maintain my celibacy after I dealt with the inner-me.
Step 1: Be honest and upfront about your celibacy.
One of the questions I receive is, “How do you remain celibate in a relationship?” You have to inform your boo at the beginning and allow them to decide if they are okay with that. If they are not, let them go, because you don’t need any man or woman in your life who doesn’t respect your decision. You let them know that you are living your life celibate straight out the gate. If you’re already in a relationship and decide that you want to live this lifestyle, let he/she know as soon as you decide to live this lifestyle. Be okay with their reaction. God honors your celibacy and he will send you a mate who will wait for you.
Step 2: Set boundaries.
You have to set boundaries for yourself. For example: When I am getting to know someone, I do not date late night (after 8pm) and I do not go to their house nor do they come to mine. In a relationship, and we are visiting each others’ houses, we don’t stay the night and we don’t enter the bedroom. You may be asking, “Well, what do you do when you’re in the living room and still get turned on by your boo and really want to “make it happen?” I’m glad you asked! We leave and get around other people. You have to stick to your guns if you are serious about this thing. Hold yourself accountable. If you’re alone and get hot GET AROUND OTHER PEOPLE! Oh and, the kisses on the neck, the ear nibble, or wherever your hot spots are is a no-no. Don’t play with fire. No “head”, no touchy touchy down there, no none of that. Any sexual contact is a no go. If you get sexual you will must likely have sex.
Step 3: Stop watching, reading, and listening to all that sex.
Here’s one that many people do not take seriously. They listen to songs that talk about sex. They watch movies and shows that display tons of sex. They read books that are filled with sexual content. Some even watch porn??? I don’t get that part but anyway…yes, I do understand that almost everything has a little sprinkle of sex here and there and unless you just stop reading, listening to music, or watching tv…you will likely run into it. Some may say, “Well, if you’re trying to live for God then all you should be listening to and watching is the gospel related music and shows and movies!” Listen, I’m not here to tell you that. I ain’t NEVER only doing that myself; just keeping it real. But what I want you to understand is that you have consume those things in moderation (except porn-don’t watch that at all). I can’t stress it enough. Monitor how much of sexual content you are taking in and learn to keep it at a minimal.
Step 4: Get busy.
An idle mind is the devil’s playground. Don’t believe me? Get lonely one night and have nothing going for yourself to think about. I bet you that you will begin to think about someone being next to you in bed. I bet you start thinking about someone’s touch. I bet you start thinking about sex. You have to get you a life. Start a business. Write a book. Go back to school. Start going out to network and meet new people. Start traveling. Start getting into your hobbies more often. Get yourself something to do so when those lonely nights come along, you can start thinking about those things instead of muscles or thighs next to you. And can I be honest with you? I’ve been celibate going on 4 years and I can tell you that thinking about God or praying or reading the word of God does not always do it for you. It works sometimes, but not all the time. I’m not telling you what I heard but I’m telling you what I know from experience. I’ve had to switch from thinking about God related things to building my empire or my next trip or something else to fight off the late night “feeling it” syndrome.
Step 5: Be mindful of your conversations.
Listen, if you are serious about your celibacy, stop getting involved in sex related conversations. I don’t care if it’s your friends, your family, or your boo…don’t sit up and talk about sex. It’s the same as if you are trying to be drama or gossip free. Would you allow people to gossip or start drama around you? Not if you are for real about not being around it. You won’t get involved in any of it because you’re trying to rid your life of it. That’s how it should be when it comes to sex. Don’t get involved in those conversations. Be bold and ask those who come around you talking about it to stop or you get up and leave.
You may find other ways to safe-proof your celibacy. If you do make sure you come back and share it with us in the comments. Whatever you do, remember that you and only you is responsible for the success of this lifestyle in your life. You are in control and you must govern yourself accordingly.
If this was helpful to you or you believe it would be helpful to others, hit the share button and spread the word about it. Thanks for reading!
P.S. If you haven’t gotten my latest book “What Single Women Should Want” you can get it here. You will not regret it!