This year has been an extremely hard year for me. I have gotten to the point where I am so positive that it doesn’t make sense to the average person, but I still feel it when the storms hit my life. I’m no stranger to storms hitting my life. I often ask if it is at all possible for them to stop or skip me. My answer is always yet another storm. Storms is a part of life. We just have to learn to deal with and overcome them.
This year started off amazing! I started the year full of fire for my business and was determined to make this the best year ever. With everything that is going on I can truly say that it has been the best year ever but a lot of not so nice things has happened.
As the year moved on to the second quarter, I had decided that I was going to stop fighting with God about my calling and the things He wants me to BE! Thus, leading to my growth in God. One will think that it will make for a smoother life but I was wise enough to know that the moment I grew in God was the moment I exchanged my smaller target sign for a much bigger target sign.
Letting go of the fight with God about what He wanted me to be, getting closer to Him, and actually starting the process of filling the shoes I am to walk in, only made the enemy angry and scared at the same time. It meant that I am in the position to cause a shaking in the kingdom of darkness. It meant that I’d impact more lives God’s way. It meant that I will expose his lies and tricks and that the people I teach it too will stop folding to his nonsense and overcome him. If I was Satan I’d be upset and scared too. He knows, just as I know, how powerful I am in the kingdom of God and how great my destiny is.
We all know what life storms are so I won’t explain it here. As I mentioned, this year was a hard year for me. Many things happened this year but I can probably write a small book about them all, so I’ll share what was the hardest for me; the thing that caused me slip in that nasty puddle.
On May 19, 2014, I finally took my daughter to the hospital after she had been laying around and not eating for about 3-4 days. I was going to take her to the hospital prior to that but she burst out crying saying she felt fine and that she didn’t want to go. I thought that maybe it was something minor if she wasn’t feeling bad.
The final straw was when we got ready to visit the mall with my mother. We were at her house and needed to walk over to our home which was only two buildings down from my mother’s place. Something in my spirit kept saying, “Don’t take her to walk in the mall like that,” as soon as I opened my mother’s house door to leave. We kept walking but then she started to complain about he legs aching. I decided that that was all it would take for me to listen to what my spirit was telling.
Once again, when I told her that we were taking her to the hospital she started crying and saying she doesn’t want to go. This time she didn’t get her way. We went to the hospital!
On May 21, 2014, the doctor had the nerve to tell me that my daughter had leukemia. I started crying as most mothers would but the scene that played in my head was way more dramatic. I wanted to punch the doctor in his face. I wanted to turn into Madae for five minutes and knock everything off the desks and counters. I wanted to punch the walls. I completely flipped out in my head but somehow managed to control myself to not act on what was happening in my head.
I have never been the type of person that felt like nothing can touch my family but I can assure you that that didn’t change how bad it felt to find out my daughter had leukemia. It was the worst I’ve felt to date. I thought being sexual abused was the worst feeling but clearly it was not. It’s one of those, “You can mess with me but don’t touch my family,” type of thing. I can take a lot when done to me but when it comes to my family, it’s a whole different story. And this leukemia thing proved it!
I started dying. In the hospital, I was dying. I lost it. I didn’t want to do nothing. I didn’t want to talk to anybody. I wanted to throw everything I was doing out the window and thought that whenever I felt like picking it back up, that I would start from the beginning if I have to…I just didn’t want to deal with it anytime soon.
I have a heart for people; helping them overcome struggles and getting closer to God. However, in that moment, I was thinking forget that. I’m not trying to think about anybody else. I’m mad and I’m hurt. I need somebody to be here for me, for us…forget everybody else. When I tell you it was a real struggle, it most certainly was.
I cried. Then I’d hold back tears. Then I’d cry some more. I might have even been close to asking God why are we going through this; haven’t I been through enough? I never really asked that but it was a habit of mine and I’m fully aware of the feeling that would normally cause me to ask such questions. This time I didn’t but under the circumstances it would have been easy for me to ask it.
I think the only reason I didn’t ask God that is because I was spaced out and was dying spiritually. I barely even prayed while we were in the hospital at first. No, let me correct that. I didn’t pray at all at first. But then God said to me, “This is a spiritual attack. Pick yourself up. You have to keep going.”
Satan almost knocked me off my post but everybody knows “almost” doesn’t count!
I Bounced Back
Once God spoke to me, my prayer life picked back up and I started back speaking God’s language. This is important no matter what you are going through. Prayer and God’s language is what’s going to help build your faith to get through whatever it is you are going through.
In case you don’t know, when I refer to God’s language I’m speaking of the word of God. You ought to speak what God have said about your situation. And here’s the secret but not so secret that people still miss…you need to pray what God says about your situation.
I picked back up my bible. It wasn’t a long time since I put it down but I still should have never put it down to begin with. I can admit that I put down my bible because I’m free to do so and because it was a learning experience.
I learned that I need not to put it down no matter what because it gives me life in the worst of times. It tells me what to speak even in the midst of me not wanting or being able to call up what was already on the inside of me. I mean, before it happened I was reading my bible daily so I had the word on the inside of me but in that moment, it didn’t matter because I was coming out of space.
Once I was back to myself, calling forth what was on the inside of me was a lot easier and wasn’t a problem. That’s my truth and transparency. I couldn’t call the word of God to my aid when I was spaced out…I needed to actually read it for it to be my aid.
In addition to starting back praying, speaking God’s language, and reading the word, I got back to serving and business. Serving has a way of making your feel better about your situation. It has a way to make you feel a greater sense of fulfillment even while dealing with the worst.
I started planing my next outreach event and started a monthly suicide intention call right there in the hospital. I planned “overcome” conference calls right from the hospital.
Then I started planning more business projects with my upcoming reality show being one of them.
And lastly, I realized that this is yet another testimony in the family that can and will help someone cope and overcome. This has given us another cause. It has given us another way to touch someone’s life. And this, this, although it hurts, is linked to my daughter’s purpose and destiny. The moment I thought about how it played into her purpose and how it can impact someone’s life in a positive way, is the moment it became 10 times easier. What you go through isn’t even about you but about someone else.
I still felt the impact of what we were going though but I didn’t allow myself to sit in that puddle. I had to bounce back and get back to life. I always been about my children so that didn’t change. However, I had to make sure that I didn’t completely tap out so that I’d be in my right mind for my children.
Storms are definitely upsetting and painful. The negative effects of the storms is what I liken to puddles. You must learn how pull yourself out of puddles, jump into your vehicle and continue forward movements to your destiny.
You may pull yourself out of puddles differently than I do, and that’s okay. The important thing is, is that you learn what it takes to pull yourself out of those puddles and you learn to apply them throughout your life. Those things are the tools that makes you strong enough to overcome the storms in your life. They make you stronger, period…but, you have to find what those things are.
Storms create puddles and sometimes floods but the storms in your life isn’t to destroy but to build you. They’re to mature and strengthen you. I like to say, “The storm may damage some things, but the rain always produces life after the storm.”
I hope you enjoyed this post! Remember, you can bounce back from any storm in your life.
P.S. Download my ebook Mastering Your Happiness! You’ll thank me later…